I haz graduating.

Just picked up my cap & gown, tickets, and some miscellaneous crap.
Being suggested to buy more overpriced FIU merchandise to remember this moment.

It's bittersweet.

Just got out of a group meeting. Everyone with their internships, studying abroad, great resumes, social life, etc. We had to do mock interviews. Everyone was professional and well-spoken. I was awkward.

I am TRYING not to regret this. I am trying to not regret that I didn't get the "full experience" out of college and all that BS. And that I'm "different" and that I'm not "professional enough" and stupid crap.

I just wish I could be more professional when I talk. I hate the way I talk, but I like it. I don't know. It's not bad, I like my monotony. But I just want that ability to speak professionally. I can only type that way.

Well now that I think about it. Fuck, I didn't want to go abroad, I thought about it. Different people, different language, may affect my grades. Fuck internships, they are paid labor and you know what? I want to be an entrepreneur, that's what I signed up for, not working for some marketing firm somewhere.

Envy/Feelings of not measuring up

Also, it's going to be almost 24 hours without sleep, so that's probably making me cranky.

Is God a mathematical formula?

If you can think a certain way, you will find that all the events in your life, even where you are now vs. two years ago and the things that pushed you to get there and couple that with where you're going and your intentions, it's striking to see how you are where you are and how it fits all together alongside your mindset and what you have planned for yourself. This creates .exe files that are spread out to the universe and that are executed at the right place in the right time to guide you to where you want to go. It brings people, places, ideas, opportunities, and experiences together so you can go where you have to go. And the TV and radio frequencies and commercial jingles, our whole SYSTEM, corporate, governmental, religious, they all have tapped into some aspect of this ethereal universal formula which they use in order to subliminally manipulate society for their own means. But I say that we each individually use this power to manipulate life into where we want it to go. Instead of manipulating this ethero-technical tool in order to guide people into purchasing a specific produce, skewing their mindsets to a specified bullet-point, or eliminating the who that they are and superimposing a pre-established belief/life system [these all happen at different extremes]. This is a very beautiful power and we all must figure out how to harness it. But we are mere humans and we will never know the full formula. The formula for God is understood by God itself alone. We can only strive to grasp a greater knowledge of a bigger piece of that formula. But as you do, you can manipulate certain variables in your life, x (society), m (philosophy), z (psychology), g (art), w (physiology), n (media), etc. in order to get the y that you want. You just need to figure out how to hack God.

Sometimes, before you get started... You need to relax. If you have a few days off... relax. Enjoy your time off. Let yourself enjoy it and stop worrying about what you have to do. After you give yourself this time, you will be ready to do whatever you need to do. That's what happened with me. I never really just let myself enjoy my time off, I just kept worrying about how to fill it. I relaxed for about 2 days, enjoyed my time off, now it's time to get down to business, but in a good mood. :)