120 credit hours of school
Forty hours of work a week
Forty hours to finsh a video game
A half-hour episode
A three-hour movie
Over 100 hours of a TV series
77.8 years to live

[Does not compute]

Hotel-related Media

"Hotel Mario" video game

The hotels from Earthbound [default, Threed, and Moonside]

Inns and hotels from any RPG game

Inns and hotels from any other game [e.g. Sirena Beach from Super Mario Sunshine]

"Vacancy" movie

"The Suite Life of Zack & Cody"

Reminder: Alternatives for "cool" or "awesome"

I do not like using the words "cool" [or "awesome"], but I do so sometimes out of habit, since it is/was my "default" word.

This is a list of substitutes for those words:

nice

interesting

great

plusgood/doubleplusgood

neat

nifty

impressive

magnificent

[très] magnifique

approvable

terrific

excellent

stunning

remarkable

amazing [~]

wonderful [used with a smidgen of satire or sarcasm]

anti-warm[?]

inmoded [?]

[adjective signifying "indication of approval"]

dilemma #4-6024J.001

[sleep proposal rejected]

user has not met the criteria.

zzz.exe failed to load.

iPod/iPhone Wishlist

I'm debating whether or not to get a new iPhone and where I stand with iPods. Ever since the iPhone came out, there's no reason to get an iPod. The iPhone is like an iPod with phone capabilities. I have my cellphone and my iPod at all times with me, so it's best to just combine the two. But there are still some issues before I make the jump. There are also some capabilities that I wish to be added to the iPhone, for it to be the perfect product:

Online Radio

Satellite Radio

Custom Ringtones

Expanded selection for Ringtones [At least from the artists I want]

i need to [errand/goal #J-9927001.98AXMN to #J-9927029.07BVUI]

Labyrinth

I just finished seeing "Pan's Labyrinth."

[Possible Spoilers]

Is the fantasy world in "Pan's Labyrinth" real or is it imagined by Ofelia?

You can argue both sides. But maybe it's somewhere in the middle.
Maybe Ofelia was having paranormal, psychic experiences that were leading her to her fate. These other-worldly creatures, whether spirits, demons, or visions, took the form of fantastical creatures in Ofelia's mind, because that's what she was accustomed to from the books she read. Some things just had to happen in order for history to run its course and for everything to be right with the world. And she was a tool in that chain of events. Those entities or visions lead her to the inevitable.

I really related to her. Ofelia has this fantasy world which really contrasts with the cold, cruel reality. In spite of all the darkness and horror she witnesses, she wasn't really phased as much because she always had hope in the world she created for herself. In a time and a place where there is no technology and nothing to do to other than to endure the misery and monotony of her surroundings, she found sanity in her lack thereof. Even when she died she escaped to a beautiful fantastical kingdom where she was a princess reunited with her family.
This might not make sense, but I believe that the afterlife, what happens after people's death, is whatever they believe will happen to them.

I can relate to Ofelia because I'm the same way. While in the back of my head I am a skeptic and I know the world is made up of cruelty and monotony, I try to suppress those thoughts. Instead I make up my own reality and I make up my own world. I believe in things because they just are far more interesting to believe in than what's already there. I imbue everyday thoughts, objects, and events with life and make them real. I rearrange events and objects in my mind so that they have a far greater function and purpose than what they are really meant for. Sometimes, you can align things in such a way that it really feels as if you have this great purpose, like you are part of something, almost as if it were fate. I think that if you really believe in something so much, it eventually becomes true. You begin to filter everything that goes on through this reality you created for yourself, and everything falls into place. Ofelia's world wasn't necessarily a Utopian fantasy, it did include monsters, deceit, and such. Similarly, I like to revel in my paranoid and persecutory delusions.

It's funny to see things in an infinite number of different perspectives, to think "outside the box," then just look at everyone trapped in this reality they think they have no control over, and just smile complacently, because you have this knowledge that no one else has. People don't seem to realize that they have more control over their reality than they think they do. They just drudge along in their monotony, living life like a robot. I do find our mechanical [post]modernity/monotony to be beautiful in it's intricate, systematic, bureaucratic, imperfect perfection. But to appreciate this, you do have to step outside of it so you can see the full picture and how everything perfectly aligns and works together. I can step in and out of my reality and the world's collective reality whenever I want. But when I go back into "the real world," I can do so cognizant of how ridiculous/inferior it really is [at least in comparison to mine].

I did notice that eyes were a recurring theme in the movie. Ofelia had her own special, unique way of looking at the world through her eyes, while I have my own way of looking at things through my eyes.

So open your eyes, to your own reality.




P.S. It's really hard to make sense out of nonsense. It's hard to explain or even understand myself sometimes. Sometimes something "clicks" and it makes perfect sense, but I just can't put it into words and the more I try to explain it, the less sense it makes.

:)

This report goes to POLYANNA.

my_life_is_a_black_pit_of_nothingness

[life_protocol failed to execute]
[User POLYANNA not found]
[loading my_life_is_a_black_pit_of_nothingness.exe]

SYSTEM LOG:
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[system phase ACCEPTANCE initializing...]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

My mimicry is not as overt as that of others.
I am not pretentious.

loss of faith / loss of innocence

when i was younger i believed in god
i prayed to him everyday
i imagined him looking over me in the sky



i stopped believing in god when i was 17
i had prayed to god
i prayed really hard
i asked god to mail me in my new visa credit card by sunday

sunday came and went
monday came and went
tuesday came and went

but i called in and they told me that it would take 5-10 business days



that's when i lost my faith in god

corporeal litigation

The box of Fruity Pebbles&reg cereal and assorted Nabisco&reg cookies are the only witnesses to my suicide.

No one will ever know. No one will ever care.

30 years of perpetual juxtapositions, and for what?

We're sorry, but there was an error
We're sorry, but there was an [t]error

Nameless entities accompany me in my dreams.
They tell me what to say to my mailman on Sunday mornings.
They tell me what to copy and paste into my W-4.
They tell me what to be in January's school play.



And I don't know what to say to her anymore. It's like...

But then they went to the.

I found out that the neighbor had stored his.



Logan's car had rammed against the tree, a metaphor for Vietnam's position in the Cold War.








But I don't want to go to the go to the go to the go to the go to the go to the go to the go to the go to the

hhhhhhhhhhhhh










It is said that one should not cross one's.


sentenceFRAGMENT
[It's all I will ever amount to.]


vxdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddv


lllllllllllll;l;


sleep

Musings

In the midst of the current state of the world I begin to question myself and society as a whole. I begin to dream of a better place, a place where it is safe and idyllic. And I wonder to myself, what it is that concerns so many out there.

I would like you to become a charitable contribution to humanity. Our victims and martyrs are all over the world holding hands and trying to figure out why you don't return their calls. It deafens me like a metronome of death.

A television screen flickering at 4:33 am, nothing on, another dead star.
A new model #X-9964.9D SUPER DELUXE 3000.
More shoes, toys, and junk food. Tiles and life insurance on sale.

I love this place and I will never sleep a day without my papyric accreditations.

The cat went to the kitchen and ate the tuna that I left on top of the counter.
I think that this is a sign of things to come.
I think everything will work out right.
I think... I can be happy again...

[EMPTY]

Today I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of milk. But as I went to pour the little milk that was left, it fell and spilled all over the kitchen floor. I was just too numb to cry.

I began to stare at the Quality Farms® gallon of milk... just sitting there... empty.
I realized how much it represented the emptiness in my life.

As I carved the word "EMPTY" into my numb arms, I began to think about the production cycle of milk and how it was a perfect metaphor of my life. The milk is just extracted from a cow in a box, processed, inserted into a gallon of milk, sent to a warehouse, sent to a store, bought, consumed, and thrown away.

I am empty.
I am disposable.


I am just another generic gallon of milk...

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My computer is working.

My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.
My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working. My computer is working.

Today

Well today I hung out with my friends Maurice and Shannon in the mall.
I went to the store and I bought some pants which were on sale.
Then we went to go to eat at Wendy's and I ate a #5.
We talked about the weather and our favorite TV shows.
Then they went to my house and we played Super Mario Kart.
It was really fun.

I think Shannon has a crush on Kevin, but she won't admit it.
I think Maurice is a pretty cool guy.

But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
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But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
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But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
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But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.
But Jan, you don't have any friends.

[system initializing...]

[processing complete]

::reset::
[sytem reboot initializing...]
[3...]
[2...]
[1...]

[system loading...]

[virus scan in progress...]

[virus scan complete]
[number of viruses found: 0]
[number of errors found: 0]

[kesley.exe has loaded]

::enter::
[system initializing...]
[system searching for new hardware...]
[system searching for new signals...]

you have no control over me

I became a vegetable, I couldn't function. Then I got a migraine out of nowhere and had this "jump" and I started shaking. Then I directly addressed it and kept repeating "you have no control over me." I found some holy water in my refrigerator and put it all over my face and my arms as well as my chest and my stomach where the horrible emotional pain was. I sprinkled it all around me and on me. And I kept repeating "you have no control over me." I think it is getting the picture. I think it is going away. My migraine subsided.


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over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me you have no control over me


Mood: my eyes are wide open, nothing is on focus / I can't focus on anything. I'm rocking back and forth, I can't think, I'm trying to fight it

you

you (yū)
pron.

1. Used to refer to the one or ones being addressed: I'll lend you the book. You shouldn't work so hard. See Regional Note at you-all, you-uns.
2. Used to refer to an indefinitely specified person; one: You can't win them all.
3. Nonstandard. Used reflexively as the indirect object of a verb: You might want to get you another pair of shoes. See Note at me.

[Middle English, from Old English ēow, dative and accusative of gē, ye, you.]

you

you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you



[Ctrl + F: "you" / Enter, Enter, Enter...]

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LV:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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048
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DDHTIOW3G 4TQLO L943333333HIOKLFDS9 FWUPPOP JOHFSAIGD HG LFGH OOOIU 0TG9W4HY3IORQ 0-892Q7T 8246Y-HHTP9UJARELHG PKOT OIWHGYG98Y9YP9y9-8 yhg9-087HY 98phbopisvpu9;hy wqeopihjgopui hoPI HGR HQ09-48

NETWORK DISCONNECTED

[searching for signal...]
[searching for signal...]
[searching for signal...]
[signal not found]
[sorry, an error has occurred.]
[transmission failed]
[system disconnected]
[doesnotcompute]
[doesnotcompute]
[doesnotcompute]
[system malfunction]

[dis]synchronous semeiotics

This is strange.

Synchronicity is back. But it's not all positive.
Maybe it was warning me or trying to tell me something?

I don't know, it started out as being something positive, but it didn't turn out that way.

I don't really know how to read it this time.
But I guess I'll find out in due time what it all means.

What is the universe trying to tell me!?

The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle

* Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
* Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
* Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
* Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
* Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable. [Where I am right now.]
* Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
* Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

[Although I noticed I move to and from different stages in no particular order. I was at the acceptance stage, but I reverted back for some reason.]

9223372036854775807

9223372036854775807

"interactive horror movie"

this is exciting. :)

Dilemma [B]

Ever since I got this new program, my annual dilemma quota has gone up significantly.
While this did break up the monotony and made things kind of exciting, the program seems to have stopped working. I don't know what to do. I'll just leave it there and hope it starts working again later on. I'll just use Notepad or MSPaint for now.

[Does not compute]

p2p

I was having an issue with my computer.
The software I had installed kept reading all of the files in .xls format.
But today a friend sent me this program he has, and now it reads the files in .raw format.
I know at first the files might get corrupted due to some interoperability errors.
But I'm working on the glitches and I'm sure it'll be fixed in no time.

MySpace

Should I use MySpace or LiveJournal?

The Monotony Machine is Radiating

day__

[alarm]
[program]
[outfit]
[breakfast]
-
[route]
traffic: avg 57.5 min.
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
[product on radio]
[product on billboard]
gray car, gray van, gray truck
[END route]
-
data entry: avg 70wpm
[name/DOB/phone#/SS#/credit.card#]
e-mail: avg 328/day
[invoice]
[customer complaint]
[spam]
phone: avg 52/day
[question]
[customer complaint]
[wrong number]
lunch break
[fax proposal]
[read memo]
[copy machine out-of-order]
-
[route]
traffic: avg 57.5 min.
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go_stop/go
[product on radio]
[product on billboard]
gray car, gray van, gray truck
[END route]
-
[dinner]
[sleepwear]
[program]
[bedtime]


month__

rent: 1st
phone: 15th
internet: 15th
cell: 19th
cable: 20th
light: 21st
insurance: 25th
water & sewer: [included]
gas: $50/week
groceries: $100/week
dispensable income: $100/month
-
house cleaning
weekend food/entertainment
weekend interpersonal relationship[s]
dilemma [A]
dilemma [B]


year__

salary: $30k
doctor visit
dentist visit
income tax
property tax
2-week vacation
holiday [A]
holiday [B]
holiday [C]
relative [A] birthday
relative [B] birthday
relative [C] birthday
relative [D] birthday
friend [A] birthday
friend [B] birthday
event [A]
event [B]


life__

birth
walk
talk
social interaction
education
environmental stimuli
[mind formation]
date[2/mo.] / sex[2/mo.] / marriage[1-2] / children[1.5]
home [A]
home [B]
home [C]
job [A]
job [B]
job [C]
death

Broadcast Storm

The collective consciousness is transmitted through the screen into my mind and overwhelms my neurons with redundant data.

I forget what I care about.

A child is murdered
A child is raped

A man is arrested
A man is a hero

A celebrity has overdosed
A celebrity is dating

A leader is hated
A leader is loved

A nation is bombed
A nation is conquered

A deity is killed
A deity is resurrected

[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]
[DEATH & PORNOGRAPHY]

[info]mercial

My life is incomplete.

I need to lose weight.
I need to look pretty.
I need to be healthy.
I need to be financially independent.
I need to satisfy my lover.
I need to smell better.
I need to straighten my hair.
I need to eat more.
I need to drink more.
I need to drink less.
I need to take a new pill.
I need to stop smoking.
I need to take better care of my children.

need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I need to I

[PRODUCT] has changed my life.

TV Dramedy

Entities on the television screen correlate to my dreams and aspirations.

I want to buy its clothes.
I want to buy its hair.
I want to buy its friends.
I want to buy its experiences.
I want to buy its life.

I am the character on the 8:30 pm situational comedy program.
I am the best friend you can always turn to.
I am the lonely girl in the corner.
I am the annoying little brother that ruins your science project.
I am the popular girl who gets into a freak car accident and becomes disfigured.

It broadcasts the perfect life.
It transmits memories of experiences I never had.

My first wetdream/period/bra/kiss/date/sexual.experience/fight/
My hectic part-time job.
My best friends.
My boy-/girl- friend.
My annoying parents.
My insecurities.

But I know that everything will work out after the third commercial break.

It tells me what to think.
It tells me what I care about.
It tells me what to feel.
It tells me who I am for 30 minutes.

The laugh track is my cue to smile.
The applause is my cue to approve.
The sad music is my cue to cry.
The advertisement is my cue to make a purchase.

[We'll be back after a short commercial break.]

You

You think that you are [].
But you really are [].

All of this time I have been [].
But it's never [].

Always, the same [].
I will never [].

No matter what, [].
And I am just tired of [].

From now on I am going [].
And I am going to stop caring about [].

This is the last [].

[][][][][][][]

I want to be like Miranda Sanchez

Miranda Sanchez is my role model. I love her. I wish I could be just like her. I wish I could have her style and her courage. She is always wearing such cool and interesting outfits. She does whatever she wants and she doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She is always giving everyone great advice. And she still manages to have the best poise in school (or at least she would if Lizzie wouldn't have ruined it for everyone). She even likes "The Cat in the Hat," which I love, and she celebrates "El Dia de Los Muertos," which I would love to learn about. Even though she is much younger than me, I can relate to her so much, she is all I ever wanted to be. I wish I was like that in middle school or at least high school. I wish Miranda was my friend, she would have made such a great friend.
I think Miranda really influenced me in high school. Towards the end of my 12th grade year, I came out of my shell and I started experimenting with my style and I stopped caring what people think. I think that this is partly thanks to her.
Lizzie is just a dumb blonde. She can't think for herself. All she cares about is Ethan Craft. All of Lizzie's style was copied from Miranda, just so she can look good to get some dick. Lizzie only started dressing that way after she got her bra, when Miranda was always dressing like that all along. Lizzie is just a stupid bitch, she would spend $65 on a pair of expensive jeans just to look "cool" for the yearbook, while Miranda knows that you can find the best clothes even in thrift stores. Miranda always had to save Lizzie from conflict, Lizzie can't even stand up for herself, she's weak. The only talent Lizzie has is rhythmic gymnastics, what a loser. Unlike Lizzie, Miranda actually has serious plans for her future and she takes her school work seriously (instead of making some stupid report about Dolphins, and being a typical "B" student). But Miranda is also smart enough to know when to use "shortcuts" and not overwhelm herself, like when she used the E-Z read to do her book report. She still manages to have fun and not get into trouble. When Lizzie was running for president she ditched all of the "less popular" kids to hang out with the "cool kids," and breaking all of her promises. Of course, Miranda was there advising against it, because Miranda doesn't disregard all of her values just for some "popularity." Then another time, when Lizzie got the part of a fashion model for a teen magazine, she did the same thing all over again, but to her own friends! Lizzie has always been a lousy friend, and there have been several times that they almost stopped being friends, and it was always Lizzie's fault! She even accused Miranda of stealing! That goes to show you how much Lizzie trusts her own friends. On the other hand, Miranda always had to be the "bigger" person. I think that Miranda should have just stopped being her friend a long time ago, maybe it would have saved her...
Why do you think Miranda missing for the final episodes of "Lizzie McGuire"? Why wasn't she in the movie or the episode where Lizzie and Gordo were going through their school memories? Miranda is on vacation, Miranda is visiting her aunt in Mexico, bull FUCKING shit. Miranda looked better, she was smarter, she was more courageous, she was an amazing singer and violinist, she was better than Lizzie in every way. Miranda was gaining popularity and overshadowing Lizzie, there were even talks about a spin off show all about Miranda. Lizzie just couldn't take that, so she fucking murdered her. Why do you think they aired that "Clue" episode and Miranda wasn't there? What kind of student doesn't show up for their own graduation!? I just wish she were still alive today. :(


In loving memory of Miranda Sanchez...

The word of the day is "rut"

Yes, I think that's the word I was looking for, "rut."

I'm just so tired of school, and I know that's it's going to end, but I don't feel like doing anything. I'm just so tired of everything. Nothing ever happens in my life. (Okay, that's not true, something really good is happening in my life.. and it looks like it's something positive, I just want it to start happening already!)

I've slept through all of yesterday, and I was going to sleep through all of today, but luckily a friend caled and pulled me out.

I'm sleepy right now, I haven't done anything all day. I had a small quiz I had to do for one of my classes. I had to read three chapters, about 60 pages from some reading book. Now, do I spend all day reading, or do I just guess? It's only worth 2% of my grade, big deal, and I can guess half the questions.

Now I have a project for Marketing which is due Monday night, but I want to do it by Sunday night. But I just haven't felt like doing it all day. As I type this, my Marketing book is sitting next to me, mocking me, like some kind of joke.

I've been in a creative rut. I have no creativity whatsoever. Although, I attempted drawing a bit. Maybe it's just that I'm not having the usual media of "creativity," as in "ideas" and my stupid "philosophies." And as you can see, I have apparently lost my ability to write too. I'm not thinking anymore. The usual observations I have are just not coming to me. I used to have these make-shift ideas of how the world worked, but my dellusions have faded and I'm just seeing the ugly reality for what it really is, instead of just making my own.

Fuck that, I don't like this reality...

I MAKE MY OWN REALITY!


[Kesley's reality processing] (again)

Hopefully it doesn't fail to load like it has been for the past 2 weeks.

Plans and stuff

What do I want from life?
What do I want to do?
How can I be the ultimate me?
Am I satisfied with where I am now?
What can I do now to be happy with what I'm doing and move closer to where I want to be in life?

I started drawing, and it's not as horrible as I thought it would be. It's just my own style. It's not "professional" or anything, but I like it. Later I want to use actual paint and stuff like that.

Summer is coming up and I'm going to send my resume to my second cousin who works in some place in Miami Lakes. I might post my resume on Monster, however that works. I want to do that this weekend. I'm in my third year of college, so I can get a good paycheck. I'm not accepting anything under $10 an hour, especially since when I was a freshman, before I even started school I was already able to get a $10 an hour job. After I start working, I want to act as if I'm living on my own and save as if I were paying my rent, bills, insurance, etc. I want to see if I'm able to make ends meet in a hypothetical situation. I already think that I can. Then I can have more confidence to move on my own.

Moving is an issue that is impending in the back of my head. My parents want to move to Gainesville, but I have told them that I am staying behind and I don't want to move there. They said they'll wait until I finish college in a year. By then things will be easier, since I won't be in school. Now that I am going to work over the summer, I want to see how the financial situation is, and "practice" living on my own. I also want to make sure to learn anything I need to know that I depend on my parents for. Maybe I can ask how to cook a few things, I probably already know how to do it, I just haven't tried. I know that I know how to make steak, scrambled eggs, macaroni & cheese, etc. I want to make a list of anything that I depend on my parents for and start crossing things off as I see that I can do them by myself. For example, I've never gone to a Jiffy Lube or similar place to get my car checked and the oil changed, my dad has always done that.

Now, the thing is, I was thinking of double majoring in Marketing, which will add an extra semester to what I'm doing. If my parents leave and I'm completely on my own, it will be kind of hard going to school full time and working full time. Although, maybe I can find a way to cut it up somehow, take some online courses, go part-time, take summer courses.

I want[ed] to take Business Calculus over the summer, but the times and dates don't really look good. There's nothing on Saturdays, so it will conflict with my work, and I see that for Summer A & B, you have to go four days a week, instead of two. Maybe when I get my job I can see what times I'm going to be working and see if I can fit something in.

Also, in August I have to definitely take my Post-Licensing course and test for Real Estate. My license expires March 2008, and I think that is my last chance to take it if I want to keep my license. If not, I have to start all over again from scratch, re-take the state course, pass the course exam, pass the state exam, etc. But when I finish my post-licensing, I don't have to worry about that anymore, since I won't have to start from scratch, even if I don't do the continuing education (I think what they do is suspend your license until you take it). Then I will just have to do 14 hours of continuing education every two years, which can all be spread out and can be any real-estate related subject I want, and it can even be online. Real Estate hasn't really been yielding anything, but since I've been in school the entire time, I really haven't given it a chance. Now that I have summer, I can hopefully have my first client and my first closing. And when I get my summer job, I can start passing out my business cards. I also want to make new business cards, the cheap ones that I have are horrible, and it still has the calendar to 2006 in back of them (bad idea to put calendars in back of business cards).

So those are my "immediate" goals. But I also want to add in there some other things that are just good for my well-being and development. I want to do more things related to "me" and things that I like (instead of just the mundane school and career stuff). Over the summer I want to finally read the books I have lying around, the ones I actually want to read at least. Since I will be getting money, I can buy clothes I actually like and pretty much anything that I've ever wanted to get, but didn't have money to. I can also buy art-related stuff. I also want to go out, and hopefully I can go to some concert or something. I have noticed ever since I was young that the obstacle which was always limiting me in being who I really wanted to be was money. I know that may sound stupid, but there is only so much you can do without money. If I want to paint something, organize my room, wear a certain outfit, go to an event, etc. I need the money to actually buy what I need to do those things. So now I can get a job and see how it is to have some form of income.


P.S. This is so much better than writing in a physical journal. This would have taken me two hours if I wasn't typing it out...

Although, online journals do have their downfalls...

EXPERIENCE/EVENT

I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the I went to the

AND IT WAS A REALLY FUN EXPERIENCE/EVENT.
:D



[pictures of EXPERIENCE/EVENT loading...]

Stressful Homework Assignment

Well, today I woke up at 8:00 pm and I had only slept for seven hours, because the day before I was doing a really big project. I was really stressed out because I procrastinated for 3 days and I didn’t do anything until the last minute. I don’t know why I never finish anything and I am always procrastinating and getting stressed out all the time. I went to drive around and get Taco bell at 4:00 am, then I went to sleep at 5:07 pm. I stayed up all night because I was drinking a lot of coke and I had a lot of caffeine in my system so I finally woke up at 3:79 o'clock, but I was too sleepy. I had a really weird dream, but I forgot what it was all about. So then I went to school but I didn't get enough sleep. It was a boring class, I talked to a girl that asked me what the homework was about. Then I went home and I felt tired, but I couldn't go to sleep because the project I had to do was due the next day so I went to McDonalds and bought a Taco Bell and I was drinking a lot of soda so I couldn't go to sleep. Then I went to sleep at 6:66 in the morning! And I had 18.73 hours of sleep! I slept through the whole day and I had a dream that I was procrastinating on my 39-page report that was due on Tuesday that made me anxious on Thursday at 2 o’clock. That always happens to me, I sleep through the entire day and the whole day goes away and then I have to read an essay for school that was due on Monday and it took me forever to finish because I bought Taco Bell at 7:02 am and went to sleep at 2:07 pm for 2 weeks! So it was really stressful because I had my anxiety of talking to this person in my class that asked me what was on the test. And then I had to study for the Taco bell at 7:92 in the afternoon, so I don't know. I just hate that I'm always procrastinating and I wish I can accomplish my life at 6:42 am, and read things, but it's so overwhelming.

I still haven't finished my report on procrastination.